I
recently saw a video that followed an elementary aged boy through his day from
getting on the bus, entering the building, going through the line at lunch,
instruction in the classroom, and leaving at dismissal. The first go round of the video featured the
adults being distracted, dismissive, and impatient with him and the other
children. The boy becomes more and more dejected
as the day goes on. You can see him visibly shrinking into his surroundings and become completely disengaged. The video continues
through the same day, this time, with the adults reacting kindly, welcoming,
and with genuine enthusiasm for being at school with the children. The difference in his demeanor was drastic and full of smiles, high-fives, engagement and learning!
This
video made me reflect on the immense responsibility we, as adults, have to
manage our emotions and model positive interactions with our students. It is up to us to set the tone for the kind
of experience we want for our students to have while they are in our care.
The adage
I live by and advise others to adopt is: Treat
every student the way you want other people [teachers, instructional assistants, bus drivers, cafeteria workers, administrators, etc.] to treat your
child or a child you care about deeply.
I shy
away from the phrase, “treat your students as you would your own,” because
there is a difference between parenting one’s own child and how one would want others
to treat their child at school. Over the
years, when colleagues, friends, and family members ask me why I’ve gone to the
extent I have for students my response is that I am only doing what I would
hope other educators would do for my sons.
Every
interaction children have with us has the potential of being internalized. The late, and amazing, Rita Pierson said in
her famous TEDTalk, “It's the connection. It's
the relationships. And while you won't like them all, the key is, they can
never, ever know it. So teachers become great actors and great actresses…” We, the adults must manage our emotions, not
take things personally, and continue to be the voice of reason and control for
our students. L. R. Knost said, “When
little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm,
not join in the chaos.”
The moment we engage in sarcasm,
mocking, or arguing with a child, we lose.
In these moments we give away our power to improve the situation and to help the child
cope. Our reaction also serves as an
example of how to react and handle emotions.
If the adult is not managing their emotions well and shows frustration
that signals to the child that it is an acceptable way to respond. We need to use every moment and every
interaction as a learning opportunity.
Ways
to begin are by simply changing our words.
“Stop running, stop talking and sit down!” can easily be turned around
to, “Please walk, please use quiet voices, please find your spot.” These words mean the same thing but they
model respect and compassion. Telling a
child to “stop” or “calm down” rarely ends with your desired result. We need to explicitly teach and model
skills. “Look at me, let’s take five
deep breaths, count each breath by pressing your fingers on your leg. Here we go, let’s do it together,” works more
effectively than, “You need to stop!
Calm yourself down!”
Our
words and actions matter all of the time – our students are watching every move we make and are relying on us to manage our emotions, stay focused and in control. They're watching us. Let's strive to serve them well as role models for managing our emotions and examples of how to treat others with kindness and compassion.
